Lost and found

Disclaimer: this is not at all about my English and the mistakes I make but about how I feel and how my reality looks like.

Lost and found. I feel like the lost and found box. Or simply like the prodigal daughter. I have been feeling like I lost the path for some time but now it seems that I see bits and pieces of it once again.

I hate how that strange emptiness feeling takes over my heart from time to time just as much as I hate missing. Things. People. Times. Memories.

At times I wonder if there will be any change anytime soon.

I have a full heart, few dreams come true, huge blessings and unexpected but some strings still keep me captive. I feel lost, how can I be found?

It is rhetorical, do not bother as I already know the answer. I know exactly what has the shape of my empty heart and what can fill it in, at times in less than a second.

I just have to take the right path again. And find the strength to verbalize the need, the hope, the plan. Then stick to it.

With hidden smiles.



Erori in spatio-temporalitate

Primaverile in Cluj vin cu miros de schimbari si adieri de ganduri. Dincolo de orice nori de pe cerul plin de griuri, e acelasi snetiment al evadarii din cotidian, acelasi dor de zile goale, picioare calde si miresme albe.

Ascult cu nesat aceleasi cateva melodii de mai bine de 6 ore, imi vine sa evadez in ele, aduc in mine dulce zvon de ani trecuti, cu inocente si bucurie autentica. Se simte din nou ca si cum m-am nascut in momentul si locul nepotrivit.

Sa ne intelegem: m-as fi putut la fel de bine naste intr-un trib din Africa, pe groapa de gunoi la Pata Rat sau pe Craica. Nu-i vorba despre nemultumire, e doar un subtil sentiment al nepotrivirii cu era si locul, cu portul si zumzetul de melodii ce ma inconjoara.

Daca as avea o masina a timpului, m-as duce in trecut, in cel pe care nici din planuri nu il stiu (dincolo de 1985). Sau as lua-o la goana neimbatranind spre viitor, sa ajung in pragul usii casei de pe deal, sa ascult fara griji muzica data tare, cu totul relaxata, descatusata si eliberata de dorul unei ere in care nu m-am nascut de fapt.

Si ce daca nu intelgeti? Inteleg eu si pentru mine scriu.



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